Building your sound relationship house happens in big moments and little ones. Here are five easy tips that you can take advantage of today to help building your relationship with your partner.

Appreciate

A habit of appreciation is a key foundation in a friendship. Have you taken time today to recognize and appreciate your partner for all the ways they make your life better. If you’ve lost that positive perspective you may need to look closely for something you can appreciate but that spirit of gratitude has been shown by research to benefit you as well as your partner. Make sure to make your appreciation specific and express it in writing or verbally to your partner. Read more here about building a culture of appreciation.

Admire

Respect and admiration are another key part of the sound relationship house, both serving to strengthen the friendship system. Think back to when you first met your partner. What character traits did you admire in them? Are they honest? Courageous? An advocate? A provider? A strong supporter? What traits do you see in them that you admire? Just be on the look out for how this shows up in your daily world with them. You may even be able to see something specific that happens that you can appreciate verbally with them.

Accept Influence

After all, they don’t call it a partnership for nothing. Where do you see yourself getting wrapped up in the little things when you could make some changes to accommodate your partner’s needs and desires and strengthen your relationship at the same time?

Apologize

The art of repair is a great habit to build in your relationship. Repairing quickly allows you to smooth things over with your partner and address deep hurts while ensuring that new hurts do not add to old wounds. Repair can be as simple as “Oops”. And you make it even more effective by adding “I regret that I acted like that, next time I’ll try to ….”. For more on repair, read about how to make repair attempts here.

Ask Questions

By asking questions of your partner you update your love maps of their world. What matters most to them right now? Where do they get their energy from? What goals are they pursuing? Get to know who they are today. For more on love maps, visit the Gottman Institute blog here.

If you think it might be time to do some skill building with a couples therapist, contact Sinead Smyth and the team of counselors at the East Bay Relationship Center for more information.