Love Maps: Holiday Edition

Three Tips to Thrive and Enjoy this Holiday Season.

This holiday season was shaping up to look like our pre-pandemic ones. Above all, vaccinated, boosted and feeling safer, many couples looking forward to getting back to our normal holiday traditions and rituals, gathering with friends and family unmasked and not socially distanced.

However, Omicron and Delta had a different plan for couples, and now it feels to many that we are back in that uncertain, confused and worried place we were in a year ago. More recently, some therapists have labelled our collective experience “ambiguous loss”, which describes the stress that comes from dealing with a difficult situation whose end is unclear and without closure.

One of the ways in which couples can effectively deal with this type of stress is to develop some routines and rituals to bring meaning and order to our lives. Accordingly, in this second holiday season of the pandemic era, this becomes especially important as we try to find joy, lightness and connection with others.

Here are some ideas for how to make it fun and meaningful:

Re-do your holiday rituals.

Take this year as an opportunity for each of you to talk about what has meaning for you and the couple about the holiday(s) you celebrate and why this is important to you. For example, this may tie into your own family history with the holidays. What do you want to keep as a tradition as a couple, and what do you want to leave behind? Maybe in the past you haven’t done this – you haven’t needed to. This year, as we are making our way through yet another COVID-impacted December, make your celebrations more intentional by dusting off old traditions and giving them a 2021 twist. Maybe you picnic in the park with friends instead of hosting them in your home. Intentional creating of rituals is part of creating shared meaning in your relationship.

Stay in connection.

Unsurprisingly, the holidays are stressful for many reasons. We may be dealing with extra concerns or disappointments this year such as not being able to travel, see family or gather with our larger communities. Make sure to allow space to help each other vent about your concerns by using the Stress-reducing conversation techniques, where you can show up and be supportive of each other, without taking on your partner’s stresses or worries. Check out the Love Maps: Holiday Edition questions below to help you space connecting conversations with family and friends.

Show appreciation.

Lately, every person and couple I know has suffered some form of loss since the pandemic started. For instance, some are passing through a job loss or dealing with home-schooling. Meanwhile, since we are all going through this together, it’s easy to lose sight of the positives. It’s easier still not to verbalize your appreciation for what is going well – in your relationship, and in your family. Instead, use some time this season to reflect on all the ways your partner has shown up for you. Make sure to tell them what you notice, appreciate and admire about them. Small positive things done regularly are much more meaningful than a big gift-wrapped present once a year.